And So it Starts Again

(i found this website that has all my old artwork on it, so yeah, i call this piece... LEAF :P )Band practice with a new band today. im pretty stoked but pretty skeptical and pessimistic (for good reason) Its so hard for me to find anyone who shares the same taste in music with me. I can do what i did in Axe The Executioner and just write most of it and be in charge of the like sound in general but it didnt work bc the other guys just didnt have the convictions for deathmetal and grind that i have. Maybe this time will be different but who really knows. Atleast i get to make music again :D Main thing though, if the band DOESNT listen to my opinion and just tries to do their own thing it wont work and ill quit. I know its about everyone bringing their own taste into the music but not if that persons passion is in nu-metal or old rock or what the fuck ever. Nope, no sir. But i think this might work which will be great. It might be tough keeping the guys from either writing something corny as shit or jsut straight breakdowns. I mean, dont get me wrong, i love breakdowns and i move at every fucking show i go to but there should be a limit. Its like saying fuck in between every word. It kind of loses its meaning you know? fuck

Another Day

Nothing much today. Not much since yesterday. I shaved my face *shrug* and i went to the grocery store yesterday. My love of despised icon has been renewed though haha. Sorry ive got nothing for this entry and im really calling it in by only talking about how i have NOTHING to talk about :) i need to set up another apointment with the doc, i told renata i didnt use any of those pills but ah, i used two that day haha. So im out :( my computer at home is all kinds of fucked up, and dad keeps yelling at me saying stuff like i sabotaged his computer but in reality, i know what keeps putting viruses on it, and lets jsut say its not me :P I am gonna start eating healthier again, i usually stick to a healthy diet for like a month and lose about 15 to 20 pounds but then i just say fuck it and just let myself go. Its really a problem of just giving a shit. But whatever, thats atleast another month of healthierness (sp) coming my way. High-five

Kicked Out AGAIN

HA! Ok so last semester i got a ton of shit from my parents for skipping so much school and whatever. They just kept saying shit like "your gonna fail all your classes, your not gonna graduate, you have to move out!" yeah, and saying that I'm a terrible person and worthless and gonna end up on the streets and alllll that bullshit. I dealt with it right, sifted through it. BTW ive never failed a class in my life and for almost all my high school career i was in honors. Ok, anyways i got my report card, chyeah i passed all my fucking classes. In fact, i could have graduate early if it wasn't for mom wanting me to be at graduation. So they only gave me 3 classes last semester so i couldn't graduate yet. Now I'm stuck here at school coming everyday for like 4 months just for ONE credit. So i figured my dad would fucking ease up since, you know, i fucking proved them all wrong by passing all my shit last semester but no. I woke up late today and was just like "no big deal" and he had the fucking AUDACITY to say "you need to go live somewhere else" I asked why "because you don't care about school and your not gonna graduate" I swear to god, I'm going by my cousins house I'm almost certain they'll let me stay with them. This happens all the time but the fact that i proved them wrong and hes STILL doing this fucking bullshit its gonna go down differently now. I'm not gonna come back after school to talk to dad and beg him to let me stay, no fuck that. So hopefully after today ill be living in Granite falls but ill still make the little 30 minute drive to Hibriten every day i don't care. I'm just tired of my parents that act like I'm so fucking bad at life and that I'm worthless. I cant think of anyone else who's parents are so quick to kick them out. Other then that stuff I'm doing pretty good though :D Renata, if i dont contact you today then ill just see you tomorrow at 3:45 :)

All My Heroes Have Beards

The man beside these words is Samuel Beam. He IS Iron and Wine. Usually folk or indie bands seem to shallow and stupid for me. I think this man is one of the few people that still has convictions for good song writing. I can listen to iron and wine for hours, it always makes me want to just drive forever. To anywhere. Im in second period right now. I just had to read like fucking 16 chapters in the FUCKING BIBLE for Old Testament. I dont mind it i guess i mean i signed up for the class and shit but wtf we have to read 4 chapters every single day, including weekends and sunday which is weird, and then write a damn paragraph for every chapter. But i just finished that and i actually just finished writing an essay about Samuel Beam haha. Probably what inspired me to make this particular entry. Yeah i woke up at like 8:15 today, took a shower, ate breakfast at McDonalds (bc i alreday missed so much of first period i just said fuck it and enjoyed myself) and came in here at school to WORK. Gonna see Renata today :) hopefully Fernando and her Grandma will give us some privacy this time. Hopefully the school wont contact my dad about missing first and if they do hopefully hell be to hungover to answer or to care. I guess ill find out when i get home and go throught the suspense of grabbing the doorhandle and seeing if its locked or not. Welcome to my everyday life :)

Uh

yeah, i just wanted to post this pic

really just because

its the best picture ever

so yeah, enjoy

Jesus Wept

i love how people always post nice little poems or lyrics to show how indie or cool they are. teehee, i guess i can post some too, let everyone know what im all about :D

Your entire life, your religion is embedded in your mind.
Words spoken from a book, tell you never to change.
After death you a taught, your soul will cleansed.
But even reduced to ashes, the misery still prevails.

The day has finally come for you to be put to rest.
As your body enters the furnace.

Searing fire begins it's path.
As your entity begins it's path.

There will be no rebirth of your soul.
Emptiness that clouds your depression.
Forced in to see the light, knowing Jesus wept.

Only one thing clinging to your mind.
The prayers to the feeble god whom you once believed in.

Looking at the mortals from your cauldron of pain.
Weeping as you know nothing will make this end.
But now an even greater pain engulfs you.
Reincremation did you no good, return to inflict others.

Your credulous family somehow hears your pitiful cries.
They take the urn which contains what is left of your mortal life.
It's taken back to the crematory to attempt once again.
The brutal burning of your soul, thought to cleanse.

00

I havent been posting for the last couple days because for some reason my dad didnt want me on the computer, but its fine, no big deal. The last few days have been pretty fantastic to be honest. Friday, i stayed with my BROTHER josh and we went to this guy bobbys house. Josh got wasted and i had a couple drinks but i had to drive so i kept it to a minimum. we COULDVE stayed at bobbys but whenever i stay at someone elses house i dont get much sleep and i had to wake up and go home so i could contact renata bc if you read my older blogs, you know she gets mad about that stuff which is fine. We went back to joshes and he had like a breakdown and said he wasnt gonna drink but juswt one more time saturday night with just me. He gets a lot of shit for all the stuff hes been through and only being 15. He thinks hes a shitty person and everything but hes not. I LOVE THAT KID. Hes really just my cousin but ive been through more with him thatn anyone and i call him my brother for it. Id give my fucking life for that kid. Anyways, the next day i took renata out on an actual date. The plan was, go to a park for a couple hours, go to a nice restaraunt, then go see a good ass movie like benjamin button or the wrestler. Didnt quite work out how we planned. Needless to say i still had a really great time and its nice just to be with her. So anyways, we saw that no good moives were playing except INKHEART (bleh) at like 8. so we went to the mall to wander and get food. We were walking to the foodcourt then my nigger alex and andi show up out of nowhere and we are like AAAAAH I MISS YOU BRO and we all hug and shit. Alex just got out of jail and i sincerely missed him. And we talked and im sure it was really akward for renata, THEN while we were talking my OTHER nigger john from statesville shows up and we hug and shit and talk about the band and all that shit. By this point Renata is acting kind of blah and unenthusiastic. We went downtown and found a crappy little park to sit at. Stuff was still pretty balh until the sun went down. I did my best to cheer her up and it worked :D buahaha. Then her rents called and are acting weird and saying stuff like she shouldnt vbe alone with me or whatever and she needed to come home after the movie. Idk if it was because the line for the movie was so long or if we just wanted to optimize our time together but we didnt watch it. We just layed in my car fvor two hours and she slept and i just kind if, enjoyed the moment or whatever. WEll i took her home and went to bed. Next day, went to alexes to see him and andi. We hung out for a while, it was nice, man. Then i went to my aunts to get my medication (mind your own business) and call my cousin about working with him to make some money. MAYBE even set the foundation and work full time with him after graduation which would be cool as shit. And i just got home. Not only all this good stuff but a bunch little good stuff happened too. Lets see

got my terror cd back from alex
got some 00 tapers ande a single flared gauge from alex
got the computer back
and well
thats it

still, pretty fucking awesome weekend :D:D:D