Riding

man, i dont post enough entries in this blog to go into many details (anymore) but ill try not to speak in generalities, okay? :)

Well, things are good for me but to be honest they always are. I got some things sorted out at school and i ended up with only 2 classes buahaha. I just moved back in with my dad after what seemed like a month long binder. I am still head over heels by the way, and holy shit, yesterday renata FELL DOWN THE STAIRS and hurt her ankle so i went over and layed with her and tried to help her with stuff and it was nice, except her recent injury :P (btw my blogs are jumpy like my mind but you are gonna have to bare with me) i feel like im at a key part of my life, and this is where everything needs to fall in place. I need to graduate and get on the right path and head off to college. I need to be better in my relationship with Renata. God knows she deserves it. In fact, she even mentioned breaking up with me and i know it was just an impulsive, quick thought but it devastated me. I was just pacing up and down a hallway for like 45 minutes, not knowing if i should scream and break something or just cry or something, so i did neither haha. Sometimes it does feel like shes not feeling as strongly about me as i do about her but thats okay. Nothing i can do to change that i guess except be myself and do my best. Really, nothing bad ever happens i just get super upset over stupid little shit. Thats really what causes our few little problems. Like we went to a little party thing and up until the end everything was perfect. Like, we were laughing and having fun and we were the only ones dancing for a slow song and it was really nice but then we got in an elevator, and she just mentioned that last time she was at that place, well, it doesnt matter its not really any of your business but she just said some meaningless little thing and i felt sick afterward. I hate this blog because i start most entries on a positive note but end up talking about a bunch of stupid little bullshit. But its not accurate because there are soooo many things going on that are just amazing but i guess i get used to it and then all i can see is the bad stuff. I dont want that to happen, because i could end up losing all the good things and just be stuck with the all the bad stuff that at one time is all i could think about. yeah i hope this made sense by the way :P That didnt really come out the way i meant it, i meant it like...

Renata is so amazing and perfect (which she doesnt even know) and i have this flaw that makes me see stupid little stuff and get upset. But, i promise it wont happen anymore. pinky promise. <3