The Loss

I like me, to be honest. Well, 'like" is a strong word. Lets just say im satisfied with myself while still longing for improvement. No matter what happens, all i ever see of myself is a negative image, what i could be or should be, and if i ever improve, instead of seeing myself better, i merely see that list of thngs getting smaller. Ha, i think this is the ONLY area that i should actually get better with. Just being happy with myself. Oh, and i guess i could get my prioriies a little fixed, like not playing stupid little back in order. Like not playing stupid little compuiter games even for a MINUTE when ive got a beautiful amazing girl beside me thats actually in love with me that wants me to kiss her :P

moving on
ive noticed that everyone around me has totally different experiences than me, or atleast a different outlook. For example, other people always seem have cute little things to say or just notice little stuff that makes them sooo happy and just love everything. Now im not saying im a huge pessimist and hate everything or anything, in fact its the contrary. I love life. maybe i hate people, but i love life. In fact i think that with all the shit thats happened to me, id have to love life this much just to go on. anyways yeah, I dont have cute little things that i notice about stuff, i dont really know WHAT i have that makes me happy, a good best friend maybe (<3 <3 <3) maybe just my love for certain things. Like walking with my cousins down the street to a log cabin, or riding a golf off jumps in a field haha. Maybe even just sitting at home with my girl and just watching a movie, or not. Idk what really keeps me going, but im thankful :)

Way of the Future

:D
lots of talk about the future has been flying around lately, (uh, with renata). Which is just making me excited about it. I mean we just have so much to look forward to, and weve discussed soo much stuff and i would post it but everyone will just think we are dumb :P big stuff. I think looking to the future and what is to come is what is keeping me from taking too hard of a look at the present and just exploding. Ive got no car, im sick, cant do vocals, bands on a hiatus, cant find a job etc... But i think this is all little stuff anyways. I dont even really know why im posting a blog haha, ive got nothing to really talk about and no way to entertain anyone reading this. I just wanted to talk about how deeply in love i am with Renata haha. just so you alllll know :P shes purrrreetty gureat. It already feels like we are an old couple that has been together 90% of their lives. It feels like when we are together im on a vacation from the rest of the world on our own little island with just me and her. *sigh* I can say i know what love is haha


oh im such a happy faggot
woooo

What im listening to

Renata wnats to see TT

apparently they are playing in june in charlotte,
idk who with but prolly someone kickass bands
i am fucking stoked, renatas never been to a real hc show
gonna be funnnnnnn :D:D:D



(those are just the BEST shows)
oh and i totally saw CD live
haha i think i turned into a crazy blur running around screaming with the vocalist and just going berzerk haha
good times good times...


heres whats up <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xWJUwqAfhE

skinless cattle

Fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes. i have always loved skinless, but it has been only recently that I have gotten this huge appreciation for them. hmmm its weird. You can be sure the words "Skinless-Trample the Weak, Hurdle the Dead" will be showing up in my utorrent client sooooon :) (oh and some new soilent green stuffff) anyways, chyeah went to prom. It was really nice. I didnt know anyone there but I still danced with Renata, maybe i shouldve danced more because she asked to dance with someone else, and me (being me) absolutely said that i wasnt cool with that. Buts its all good, prom was still really fun and everything. My bad luck with cars was proven TWICE over the fucking weekend :( btw pics of prom are up on the space. Ive been feeling pretty good lately, had a fucking fanTASTIC day with Renata yesterday. ALL DAY. it was nice <3>

dreams do come true

Im NOT gonna mention Renata in this blog :P

Ive been so busy lately, what with prom and finding a job... and prom. But I'm not gonna talk about that in this blog, what im gonna talk about is CDs. I fucking hate CD-Rs and i hate i-tunes and windows media player. They will fucking put a microsecond of a song onto a cd then glitch and stop, then (since its a cd-R, theres no going back, your done) thats right, i have a CD with such a small amount of a song on it that my cd player in my car doesnt even fucking recognize it. The zune software wouldve never done that to me :( which brings me to my next point, if i dont find my old zune and fix it soon, im gonna go postal on everyone. No joke. I miss my Gigliorononomicon (that was his name haha) Moving on, I have been trying to be mature lately, like dressing more mature (not just Bball shorts and a hoodie or shirt) you know. I found someone that might be interested in playing second guitar in my band which is great because I have already figured out second guitar riffs for most of the songs, and this way we can add some stuff to the songs, you know, making the old lead riffs into just rhythm and adding some layering and maybe some solos (eeeeheeee :D:D:D) i cant wait, which is funny because im the vocalist, dont get me wrong, im an amazing vocalist, but i just wish it was more involved in the creative process of a song, you know?


uh
Renatas amazing too ;)